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It’s been a while friends!  And while there is a small amount of guilt in my heart for not writing, there is an even greater amount of joy and elatedness coursing through my veins.  You see, I’ve adopted a few new habits that have brought me to the next stage of my personal growth and evolution.  I’ve learned so many little things that it’s hard to put this entry into one distinct lesson.  But if I could sum it up it would be this:

Lady Lesson #27: Nurture Yourself!

Now I may have said this before, but it is so relevant in my life right now.  Over the past few weeks I’ve really taken the time to accept myself, learn about myself and use that knowledge to blossom into the magnificent being that I am.  The first step for me was to really step back and take some time to be by myself.  At first, that meant watching copious amounts of The Vampire Diaries and browsing my newsfeed every 10 minutes.  Those activities pulled me further away from myself, strangely enough, and by strangely enough I mean I’m not surprised at all.

When I realized how drained I felt from being by myself in that unfulfilling way, I went back to wanting to hang out with people.  That didn’t feed me either as I found myself drowning in self-generated negative energy.  I finally saw that I wasn’t ready to be out in the world around everyone, especially those closest to me, if I couldn’t be a beacon of positivity.  So I decided to spend some time with myself and really, spend some time with me.  Not the computer, not the phone.

I started making to do lists with specific, small tasks that I was happy to do.  If I didn’t get something done, I didn’t beat myself up, I just used it as motivation to do better tomorrow.  I started writing out my life vision every morning and posting it on my wall as a reminder of why I’m doing what I’m doing.
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I started transforming my room into an inspiration haven by posting positive affirmations and images of people, places and things (it’s strange to just call them nouns right?) that I want in my life.  Hell, I’ve been imagining my dream house every morning, specifically the kitchen, living room and sun deck.  I found real estate listings with pictures eerily similar to my imagined home.  So those are going up on the wall, no doubt.

My affirmations:
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I wrote myself a nice big check for 100 Grand.  Just to get in the habit of the big paydays you know.Image 
I see this right when I wake up!  Monte Carlo and winning an Oscar.  How can I not be inspired for the rest of the day?Image

I have spent more time imagining the life I want than I ever have and I am so happy with myself.  Just me.  I feel that my happiness is not tied to anyone else and it’s because I’ve taken the time to be by myself and support myself and surround myself with inspiration and goodness.  I’ve been reading books like A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.  Unlike Facebook, these books feed my growth and it’s real easy to stay on track if your free time is spent watching or reading things that support you in your journey.  I watched The Secret on Netflix instead of an episode of Family Guy.  I learned about the Law of Attraction and boom!  There I was making my vision wall.  There I was watching First Position, a documentary about the largest youth ballet competition in the world, instead of browsing through another Buzzfeed list of 21 Gifs To Waste Your Life Away On.  I became so inspired I broke out my pointe shoes and started to choreograph.  *Word to the wise, a few years out of toe shoes will render your feet kind of useless.  This wasn’t my best idea.  My toes are still bruised.* Long story short, inspiration begets inspiration.

I visited places that I’d always wanted to go to like the Getty Center.  I conquered my fear of going to Millennium Dance Complex in North Hollywood (all the celebrities rehearse there, it’s no big deal) and realized that I was in much better dancing shape than I knew.  I auditioned for Disneyland Paris because, why not? I trusted that the choices I was making were the right ones and it outweighed any fear I had.  

I am so confident right now because I can see that I’m on the right path and it’s because I took the time to seek it and to allow it to happen.  I’m following my instincts.  I’m holding myself accountable.  I’m standing up for myself.  I’m following my inspiration.  I’m following my joy.  And it’s because I am finally, truly nurturing myself by taking in only the good.

I’ve found myself grinning wildly for no reason saying “today is amazing!  Thank you Universe!”  I’ve found myself looking in the mirror and saying “I love you!  You are beautiful!  You have so many opportunities and so much potential.  I love you!” And it’s real!  

So a bit of a long one today, but it’s been a long month with a lot of growth.  Thank you for spending a moment with me today.  Go off and find your inspiration!  Tell me about it!  I’m in a sharing mood.  

Until next time.  Love love love.

-Jadey Lady

 

I’ve been seeing a lot of articles and videos (four today!) about the “millenials” that basically justify why my generation is so…useless? Lost? Burdensome?  *This post is more spur of the moment than anything else, so I warn you in advance this may not be my best Lesson.* Basically, we aren’t to blame.  The baby boomers left us in a position that makes it impossible to grow into successful adults.  I mean, they caused the recession.  They depleted our earth’s resources.  They increased the cost of a college education exponentially.  They gave us rewards for simply existing consequently eradicating our need for competition.  They they they they they!

Lady Lessson #20: Shut Up and Take Responsibility for Yourself!

Millenials: Stop passing the buck.  That is one of the biggest problems with my generation is that we don’t take responsibility for our actions and we don’t really look at ourselves.  We are so quick to blame others for our problems.  Think about any arguments you’ve had recently.  How often do you speak in terms of “I did this” vs “you did this to me” or “they caused it”? I am guilty as hell of this.  But I’ve suffered the consequences of this behavior and what it ultimately lead to was a deluded sense of righteousness and entitlement.  I’ve spent a majority of my life getting myself off the hook instead of learning from my mistakes and now, look where I am.  I’m 24, broke and confused as all get out.

I am a millenial.  I put myself in the position that I am in.  Yes, the economy sucks, a big fat sloppy one, but it’s my own fault for eating out 3 meals a day, or spending all of my tips on scarves or alcohol, or being too caught up scrolling through my newsfeed to leave early enough to find free parking.  Yes, the unemployment rate is sky high, but it’s my fault I was too uppity to apply to certain jobs.  Here’s the thing, when I reached my breaking point, I got hired at two different restaurants in the same week.  I needed money, I needed a job and when I worked for it, I got it.  It’s not my dream job, it’s not my career, but you know what?  I, like many other millenials, chose a career that lends itself to homelessness (actor in LA! What what!) unless you get to the top.  I’m not there, but I still have to pay rent.  Newsflash, I’m not above having a serving job or two to get it done.

Now, I have an appreciation for my employment because every shift I work is another step away from being a financial burden on my family.  Believe me, I thought I was above it before, I was uppity, let’s be honest, but I’ve been humbled and it’s time to work.  Millenials, it is time to work.  Start somewhere.  Not being able to find your dream job is not a free pass to fuck around with social media on your expensive electronics.

Life doesn’t seem very uplifting or encouraging right now, I get that.  I’ve spent the better part of my 20s secretly wishing I’d end up in a coma because the reality of the future looked so bleak.  I get it.  But I’m sick of making excuses for myself because it is only holding me back from the amazing life I have the potential to live.  And I’m sick of hearing us complaining.  And I’m sick of people justifying why we suck.  It’s like we’re being given another undeserved trophy for “Best Wasted Youth.”  Stop feeding into it!  We are so much better than we allow ourselves to be.

So shut up! And do something.

-Lady

The following video has got me in a tizzy.  I came across it while helplessly scrolling through my newsfeed.  Take a second to watch it.

The Innovation of Loneliness from Shimi Cohen on Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/70534716, http://vimeo.com/shimicohen, https://vimeo.com

For those of you that didn’t watch it, to sum it up, all of this “social media” is actually destroying our ability to communicate.  We are so focused on creating this ideal image of us, this profile, that we sacrifice genuine connection and are in fact, quite lonely.

Lady Lesson #11: Disconnect to Make a Connection

Now I am GUILTY of using social media.  Wake up 5 AM.  What’s going on Facebook? Notification from Instagram!  Someone I don’t know likes my photo!  “The music is so good @republicofpie tonight.  Making studying so much easier! #lovinglife #goodmusic #mmmilovechai”.  Tweet.

While I do spend some time looking at other people’s status updates, photos and tweets, I spend most of my time wondering why more people haven’t liked my  status updates, photos and tweets.  I’ve realized

1) I crave the validation of people I don’t usually take the time to actually connect with and

2) I don’t value the opinion of my true friends enough to be satisfied if they’re the only ones who like my status updates.  It’s sad and I don’t want to be that person.

Before I gave in to Instagram and Twitter, I rarely took photos and posted them.  I lived my experiences.  Now I find myself seeing something and thinking “this is hilarious for Instagram, I should let the world know how awesome the beach is!”  Everyone knows how awesome the beach is.  I’m ashamed to admit I went to the beach to clear my head and I spent 15 or so minutes, trying to get the perfect #selfie.  You know, the kind that doesn’t look like you’re trying to take a #selfie.  Maybe I’m using Instagram incorrectly, but that’s the compulsion I felt.  Must let world know how I’m doing so I can generate likes and followers.

And hashtags! Oh man!  Just a way to get random people looking at our posts.  How often do you search hashtags vs post hashtags hoping someone searches for yours?  Sometimes they are funny, but those are usually ones that no one else has (ie: #dontwannaeatthiscupcakebutiateitanyway #whoops)

That’s not life! I don’t go out trying to generate followers.  I try to make genuine connections with people. Those are so much better than my online profile where I can present “Ideal Jade”.  What’s ideal is when I mess up and am human and my speech sometimes disintegrates into schmargenfargen.  That’s the beauty of genuine interaction, human imperfections.  The beauty in friendship is sharing your humanity, not just the pictures of your amazing life and super witty captions.  Sometimes, we aren’t perfect and we definitely aren’t funny all the time (I mean, I am but that’s a different story…kidding!) but if we would stop spending so much time trying to be, we might be able to get back to a more human place.

I’m not saying get rid of social media.  I wouldn’t do so well myself with that.  But look at your habits.  Are you trying to share your life with your friends or are you seeking out a perception of popularity?  It might be a little of both.  I am saying, call your friends.  Skype with someone.  Go get coffee.  Meet someone new.  Go out and communicate!  Just make sure you turn your phone off.  You can tweet about it when you get home.

#Jadey Lady

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Terrible!  The answer you are looking for is TERRIBLE.  Sometimes, you go through your annals of your Facebook for funsies and you come across those pictures from when you were young and fashionably illiterate and just plain blind apparently.  It hurts my eyes to look at some of these pictures.  But it also amuses me and allows me to see how far I’ve come.

Lady Lesson #2: Dress with purpose.

The common thread through those photos is a sense of “I just threw this on because it was there.”  Unacceptable for a lady.  I cannot tell you how many times in the past few months, I’ve gone out having “just thrown something on” and found myself invited somewhere where I meet people who look put together.  I definitely feel like the odd one out.  My ego can’t handle that blow.  After enough times being mentally judged by others (which in reality is all in my head because I feel guilty that I look like I just woke up) I’ve learned to dress with purpose.

Dressing with purpose is not saying you have to be dolled up all the time, but if that’s you, more power to you.  I applaud it!  Dressing with purpose means knowing that you picked every single item of clothing or accessory on your body.  No one can judge you because you’ll inevitably love what you’re wearing and that love in turn, will infect you with a sense of confidence.  I kid you not, it just happens.  So if you wanna wear sweatpants all day, in public, go for it! Just do it on purpose.  But once you start to dress with purpose, I’m pretty sure you won’t want that cute barista at the coffee shop to see you in a messy bun and workout pants.  Unless of course they’re Lululemon or the much more affordable but poorly constructed Old Navy ones.  They make your bum look AWESOME!  Do a few squats before you enter the store too.  You’ll be unstoppable.

Long story short, I feel better when I look better.  That confidence I get from absolutely loving what I’m wearing always outweighs the comfort factor of “I just threw this on because it was there.”  Try it.  And think to yourself “If I saw a photo of me wearing this in 3 years, how would I feel?”  They all end up on Facebook, whether you’re tagged or not.

ImageThis hair?  Not on purpose.

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Hole in pants?  NOT on purpose.  Should not be flaunted.

ImageHole in pants again???

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Now that’s one on purpose outfit.  Look at how happy that lady is!

Tomorrow, some tips on dressing with purpose with as little effort as possible.  Cuz we’re all a little bit lazy.

-Jadey Lady