Archives for posts with tag: lady lessons

Today is Father’s Day.  Don’t worry, I’ve already had my shot of Jack Daniels to honor my padre, at 7 AM too, he would have been proud. Today is Father’s Day and anyone who knows me knows how much I love and appreciate having had Garybdaman as a father for 23 years.  I could go on for days, sharing memories and lessons learned and music and movies and laughter.  My daddy lives on through me and in my heart daily, I don’t need this day to celebrate him.  Every morning I wake up and remember him is a celebration. I’m choosing to honor him by celebrating the women who were most impacted by his life and his loss, my mom and my sisters.  This entry is for them.

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Garybdaman’s influence on us courses through our veins. We all lived in that house, we all got the lectures, we all went to the movies, we all went on the road trips. We all got the playlists, the driving lessons, the lectures.   We all talked about our problems, we all listened to him talk…and talk…and talk. We all got the lectures. I joke, but I see more and more every day how much positive influence my father had on our family in the long run. Whether we wanted to accept it or not, the time he spent talking to us actually prepared us all for life and shaped some of our stronger traits.  I say this because my mother and my sisters are the strongest women I know. Hands down. Rose is the most like him.  She has a simple wisdom, laced with just the right amount of positivity and realness.  She always shoots you straight, knows and accepts who she is and is unapologetic about the fact that pants don’t belong in the household.  Even at a young age, she was tenacious and boy howdy, did I wanna kick her a few times for not playing by my rules, but I appreciate her so much for knowing who she is, what she wants and what she doesn’t want.  She’s Really Rosie, she’s Rosie Real.  She’s quick to fight for what she believes and never hesitates to have an opinion.  Rose is strong, beautiful and innately positive in her outlook on life.  She may be younger than I, but she has taught me so much in the last few years just by fully embracing her Rose-ness.  The level of self acceptance she has at 21 is something Dad didn’t truly achieve until he was close to 50. Thank God, I’m taller than her or else my older sister ego would be bruised by how much I look up to her.

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Now Amber, Amber is so good at so many things, and not so good at a few things.  I admire her for the latter.  Amber has a true curiosity for life and a true beginner’s spirit.  I’ve never met anyone so willing to try everything, from foods, to cultural events, to physical activities.  Now Dad always encouraged us to live our lives to the fullest.  To go away for school, to travel, to go on adventures with our friends because that’s what life was about.  Amber lives this philosophy.  I see her status updates about which new restaurant she tried, which new town she visited on a day trip, which new class she’s taking.  This girl follows through in her curiosities in a way I’ve never seen. She never sacrifices the thrill of learning a new skill out of fear of failure or looking stupid.  She’s confident enough to allow herself time to grow and she takes on new adventures like a wildebeast.  Dad used to do that, but didn’t always have the best track record with the follow through (anyone remember those canoes in the back yard?)  Amber, in all her beauty and wisdom gets things done!  She takes her happiness into her own hands and uses the world as her playground.  She sets an un-ignorable example of taking full advantage of what life has to offer and I love her for it.

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Mama.  Bonnie Fierce. ‘My Mommy is Cooler Than Yours’ is a book I wrote for my mom because it’s true.  She is so cool, so strong, so capable of saving her children when they are in need.  She is a true mama bear and I know that she would cut a b*tch if she had to for us.  I used to think we ruined Mom and Dad’s lives, that we kept them from living their dreams and pursuing something greater in the world, but my mother assured me that wasn’t the case.  Being a parent, an involved, loving, attentive parent can be a difficult yet rewarding job.  My mom did it effortlessly in my opinion. I’ve been talking about Dad’s influence on us and how his hours upon hours of talks helped to make us strong women, but we would be nowhere without Mom.  Mom was the one with the steady income and came to the rescue when Dad’s freelance work wasn’t coming in as frequently.  Money got tight sometimes, but she supported Dad’s artist spirit.  She accepted him and loved him and worked with him as he went from job to job, working for companies and ultimately deciding to go into business for himself.  Success didn’t always come, and she worked hard to support him and us through the tough times.  She didn’t crush his spirit, she worked and kept her faith things would turn around.

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I am very much in the same position my father was in.  I’m an artist.  Translation? I’m broke.  Often.  When I have to ask for rent help, tail between my legs, Bonnie Fierce never gets angry with me.  She supports me.  She encourages me.  She says I’m an investment.  Mom is a rock and as much of an impact my father had on us, I think her impact on him was equally as important.  I couldn’t ask for a better support system, especially since she’s taken on both roles for us.  She always makes us laugh, she’s rarely wearing pants and she’s the coolest.  She’s Bonnie Fierce! Long story short, I love my family.  They are the reason I eventually got out of bed and started living life again.  They are the reason I am who I am.  Without them, I’m nothing. Today is Father’s Day.  Today is family day. Love.

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-Princess Padey

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Finally!  A lesson I’ve learned that’s universal enough to post!

I’ve been away for a while but that’s not to say I haven’t been learning.  I’ve just been learning a lot about myself and let me tell ya, those discoveries aren’t the easiest to convey to people who don’t live inside my brain.  All you need to know is I’m happy, I’m growing and evolving and life is wonderful.  And yes, more consistent posts are on their way for those of you that missed me.

So you’ve all been there, your head so full of things that need to be done that you can’t concentrate on any one thing.  I’ve found a solution that works for me and hopefully will work for you!

Lady Lesson #32: Drain your Brain.

I got the idea from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way.  In this book, she has the reader write daily Morning Pages.  The reader has to write every morning for 3 pages, whatever comes to mind.  It’s a brain dump.  The idea is that your creativity can’t flow if it is blocked behind all of the worries and stresses in your head.  Now I’ve tried it and I just can’t commit to three pages everyday.  It makes me angry, but I can commit to this simplified version of the same concept (not knocking the book at all, it’s a wonderful tool if you can stick with it.)  

When I wake up, I need a good hour or so to get in the zone.  I like to grab some tea if I have it, light some candles and incense, put on some mellow Pandora, and center myself.  I’ll stretch, meditate, maybe read or journal.  It’s quite lovely.  But some days or weeks or months are harder than others and my zen place is out of reach.  Where there should be quiet and appreciation, there’s a little voice saying “tell your roommate to clean the kitchen” or “cancel the massage membership you foolishly signed up for”, or “find a hotel for mom when she visits”, or “exercise”,  or “eat something”, or “clear your mind”.

All that noise makes inner quiet near impossible to attain.  It also keeps chattering in the background until I deal with it.  So I’ve learned to deal with it early before I drive myself crazy.  I meditate or relax for as long as I can and when the noise starts, I make a Stress Card.

A Stress Card is just an index card or the paper of your choice that I spit out all of my worries, fears and to do tasks.  I give it a silly title like “Tuesday Tankers” or “Wednesday Worries” or “Thursday Threateners” and I write everything down.  I give myself 5 minutes or one song to drain my brain of every thought that could distract me or stress me out.  Simple, one or two words, just so I know what I’m referring to.  Then I turn it over and forget about it.

On the back, I write a positive affirmation.  My favorite is “I take control of my stress”. And then I leave it alone.  I leave the card sitting on my desk, affirmation side up so I only see the calm and not the chaos of the other side.  When I’m ready to tackle a few of those stressors, I turn it over and address them one by one.  And I only do a few at a time throughout the day.  In doing so, I’ve learned that a lot of theses stressors are very manageable and can be resolved in less than 10 minutes.

By the end of the day, most are crossed off and wouldn’t you know it, I feel great! I rip up the card, letting go of the day’s stress, celebrating the things I accomplished and forgiving myself for the things I didn’t.  I go to sleep with a light heart and a quiet mind.  Perfection.

In the words of Frank Underwood, “Welcome Back”.

-Jadey Lady

I did not want to get out of bed this morning.  There is a huge part of me that regrets getting out of bed.  I literally said to myself “Get out of bed.  Get out of bed.  Get out of bed.”  I have been so drained lately.  What is the cause?  I blame winter time!  Now, I live in Los Angeles and it’s going to be about 80 degrees today, so I know I have no right to complain about “winter”, but there’s no denying there is something in the air and that something is making it harder and harder to get out of bed.  That something is also making it easier and easier to justify not getting out of bed.  

The conundrum?  The longer I stay in bed, the worse I feel.  No matter how tired I may feel, more “sleep” is never the answer.

Lady Lesson #31: Get Up, Get Out

There was a time when I would wake up consistently with the sun sometime around 6:30 AM.  That is when I feel my best.  The first ten minutes can be hellacious sometimes, but I feel my most energized when I just go with it.  My body woke up, I guess it’s time to be awake.  Great!  No snooze button, hell, no alarm clock even.  Someone once told me that there is a certain energy in the air at the time the sun rises and if you rise with it, you harness that energy.  Now I don’t know if it’s true and perhaps I’ll do some research on it today because my curiosity is peaked, but I believe it through experience.  Science may not have told me, but the burst of energy I feel from doing a sun salutation immediately upon waking at the buttcrack of dawn versus hopelessly trying to catch a few more unproductive  Zzzs says everything.

My problem lately has been
1) I’ve been so busy auditioning, shooting, and performing I feel I owe myself more sleep.
2) If I don’t have a set plan for the day (like this morning) what’s the point? 
3) It’s chilly outside of my covers and pajamas. You expect me to brave the frigidity of my room?  You are mistaken.

Excuses.  Keeping me from what I know to be true, that if I just get up and start moving, I’ll feel great.  After a few days, my sleep schedule will be back to normal, as will my energy levels.  I’ve been working hard and, f**k yes! I deserve some rest.  But I’m definitely abusing that reward and it’s keeping me from being as productive as I’d like to be.  

I am an advocate for early to bed, early to rise sleeping.  I’m a morning person.  Sue me.  In a perfect world, I’d be done with everything by 11:30 AM.  Now, I know that’s not realistic for most people but I think a consistent sleeping schedule whether you wake up with the sun or watch it come up as you drift off to sleep is important.  Listen to your body.  Sleep when you need it and get the eff out of bed when you’ve had your fix.  I’ve learned my body needs sleep, but not nearly as much as I think.  For me, 5 hours of productive, relaxed, well earned sleep leaves me ten times more energized than 7 hours plus 40 minutes of hitting the snooze button.  Like I said, listen to your body.

This Lady is tired of being tired.  So I am challenging myself to get up when it’s time to get up.  It’s usually around 6:30 AM (even though the sun is rising later with this Daylight Savings Time mess.)  And after I curse the winds for making my room so cold and my bed so cozy, I’m going to get up, brush my teeth and go for a walk.  Oh yeah, and make my bed.  I’m a lot less likely to get back into it if it means having to make it again.  I’m lazy.  I’ve learned to use this trait to my advantage.

Try it.  Treat yourself to some energy 🙂  

Happy waking!

-Jadey Lady

This past weekend was my LAVersary.  December 28th marked the three year mark of me moving to LA.  I had every intention of writing on that day but I’m glad I got held up because now I see how close my LAVersary is to New Year’s Eve.  It’s pretty close.  So of course, I’m thinking about time and how much I’ve accomplished and how much time I have left in life to accomplish more things.  Time makes me weary if I sit and think about it so I’ve accepted time for what it is.  If I could give any advice to the young whipper snappers out there who are about to enter this surreal state of post graduate “bliss”, it is this:

Lady Lesson # 30: Time Passes QUICK.  Deal With It.  Make The Most Of It.

I’m pretty sure just yesterday was January 2012 and the day before that was sometime in 2011.  So much has happened in the last three years and I remember it all as if it just happened.  On the other hand, there are even more events I have forgotten about, yet if I sit there and remember them, it will blow my mind.  Yes it’ll make sense that three years have gone by, but it will still blow my mind.  

Once I graduated college and moved out here to be a “grown up”, time started passing what seemed to be ten times quicker than before.  Now I realize that it felt that way because I got so caught up in the day to day.  Between going to work, cleaning my apartment, feeding myself and being too tired to do anything else that didn’t involve the words “dirty martini” I didn’t have time to do much else besides the basics.  So before I knew it, poof, another week gone.  Just like that, a month passed.  And wouldn’t you know? The next year was quickly approaching.  

I realize I spent more time worrying about how much time has gone by instead of truly, fully appreciating what happened.  I mean in three years I have:
-moved 4 times
-held 7 different jobs including Shot Girl ::shudder:: and Princess Jasmine
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-lost a few friends
-gained a few friends
-Attended 5 weddings
-Participated in 3 weddings (including Maid of Honor what what!)

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*two of the brides have already had babies.  One is pregnant with her second. Now if you wanna feel old…

-got my first hair cut
-started doing yoga
-discovered the Megabus to Vegas is only 50 bucks round trip
-watched Zoe go from
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Now if that don’t make you feel ancient…

-attended PlayHouse West for 9 months and gained an acting family
-ended two relationships
-got two new family tattoos
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-filmed two commercials
-performed in 3 shows, one of which I choreographed for, 2 of which I sang in
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-got offered a part in a show with the most inspirational group of women
-replaced the transmission on my car
-filled 2.5 journals
-lost 15 pounds
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(move in day)
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(a few weeks ago with King of the World, Seth)

-lost my father
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-lost myself
-gained a new appreciation for my amazingly strong family
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-gained clarity and optimism

Time goes by quickly.  

So take some time to appreciate the present moment.  It is all you’ll have.  Don’t get caught up in the mundane, the day to day. It will eat you alive and spit you out as a bewildered 70 year old.  Live in the moment, for the moment and you will always have plenty of time.

Happy New Year readers.  Love.

-Jadey Lady

Do you journal?  Do you do it in a sketchbook?  No?  Perhaps you should.  It really gives you so much freedom.  Can’t put what you’re feeling into words?  It’s okay!  Sketchbook Journal understands that sometimes you just feel colors and shapes.

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The other day, I was showing a friend of mine the joys of sketchbook journaling, so I let her browse through my journal from last year.  Now, I’m sitting there, terrified she’s going to think I’m this crazy, super negative person.  But strangely enough, the opposite happened.  She managed to pick up on only the uplifting things.  The quotes that inspired me.  The love notes written by my ex and my friends.  The positive encouragement I gave myself when I was mad at myself.  Then she pointed out that I had written out my goals a few times.  We went through them and realized that I have actually achieved a lot more than I thought.  Needless to say, I’ve been celebrating ever since!

Lady Lesson #29: Look At How Far You’ve Come! 

Looking back at this journal that basically chronicled the whole year of 2012 was an eye opening experience.  I remember, in detail, writing most of my entries.  I could tell you what was going on, how I was feeling, where I was sitting.   And let me tell you, I had my bursts of positivity and optimism, but I really only tended to write when I was discontent or creating alter-egos to cope with my discontent.  So I worried that this journal would paint a picture of an unbalanced, negative maniac.

But it took someone else to point out to me that I actually had a lot of positive energy bubbling beneath the surface.  I would start to beat myself up and mid rant, I’d switch and write all the little things I was happy about (going along with last night’s Jack Daniel’s infused entry).  I wrote “I’m happy the sun is shining” at least 10 random times throughout the journal.  I had many rants, but what stood out (I mean literally stood out because I would place them on pages by themselves, or write them in a bold color) were the positive nuggets of wisdom.  All of the negativity faded into the background and now, my journal has become a guidebook for my life.  I can easily see what I learned from my experiences and I can see how I laid the foundation for who I want to become.  I planted the seeds in 2012 and over a year later, after countless mistakes (many repeated a few times), I am starting to see the fruits of my vision.

For example, this was written February 25th, 2012:Image
I
 haven’t looked at this until the other day but I have almost all of this!  
-Confidence and intelligence? Yes
-A puppy? Not technically mine, but I got to be baby Jack the pitbull’s mama
-Write something? I actually have a few scripts started
-New car? Well, no…but Sheldon’s got a new transmission.  That’s basically the same right?
-Dancing career? I did a dance show this summer where I got to choreograph and now I’m working on a show with Flamenco 
-Experience? Uh…f*ck yeah.  Jesus.  You can take some of it back.
-Physical Strength and Flexibility? I can do one and a half pull-ups!  And the splits!
-Fearlessness when singing? When I’m by myself, I’m at 95% fearlessness, on stage 67%.  Much higher than the 0% of yesteryear.
-New wardrobe and hair? Check and check
-To reach my full potential? I’m getting there
-A new approach to eating? Yeah!  I eat what I want and it makes me happy.  I’ll just do some squats or something.  Half a pull up. 
-Makeup skills? Ho buddy yes!  
-Willpower and focus? My new friends.  We drift apart sometimes, but we’re closer than ever
-Acting career? Well, I’m in a show I adore and I’ve got another show lined up in the new year.  I’ve got some good opportunities and projects ahead.  So yeah, I’m thinking yes.
-Grown up looking apartment? Yes!  Thank you Lauren and Melissa.  Once I get my grownup income I can pay you back, I promise!
-Stable income/finances? Everything is starting to come together! I’m a few months away from stable
-Positive outlook? You bet your sweet a**!
-Love? Abundant amounts.  Especially for myself.

I couldn’t appreciate how far I’ve come because I have been too caught up in how far I have left to go.  But look!  I’ve actually achieved a lot

So before you beat yourself up that you aren’t famous and rich yet, look at where you started and pat yourself on the back for getting as far as you have.  

Until next time!

-Jadey Lady

It’s almost 7PM on Tuesday and I am sitting in my room, staring at the pictures and words of encouragement on my ever growing Inspiration Wall, listening to 60’s Folk Radio Pandora.  Stairway to Heaven is at its peak and my Jack Daniels is kicking in.  I have been so inspired today.  I accomplished everything on my To Do list, I even got a nap in.  I’ve found myself sitting at my desk, more energized than I have felt in the past few weeks, more creatively available than ever.  I took charge of this day! And now, I’m ready to appreciate every moment I’ve had today.  

I am thankful for the people who inspire me and encourage me. I am thankful for Pandora for always knowing what I want to listen to.  I am thankful for incense and candles and warm oils that make my room smell like apple pie!  I am thankful for my space heater, without which, I would probably stay in bed all day.  I am thankful for Jack Daniels (in moderation).  I am thankful for Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger tea! I am thankful for so many things and, while they are small, they all have contributed to the wonderful, wonderful day I’ve had getting to know myself.  Feeling content and happy in my space?  Right now? The greatest feeling in the world.

What’s a beautiful life if you don’t appreciate it?

Lady Lesson #28: Be Appreciative!

Big or small, it don’t matter.  There are so many things to be thankful for, if you take the time to look.

Love.

-Jadey Lady

PS-I’m very thankful for you, loyal Lady Lessons reader.  There are many blogs for you to choose.  Thank you for choosing mine.

It’s been a while friends!  And while there is a small amount of guilt in my heart for not writing, there is an even greater amount of joy and elatedness coursing through my veins.  You see, I’ve adopted a few new habits that have brought me to the next stage of my personal growth and evolution.  I’ve learned so many little things that it’s hard to put this entry into one distinct lesson.  But if I could sum it up it would be this:

Lady Lesson #27: Nurture Yourself!

Now I may have said this before, but it is so relevant in my life right now.  Over the past few weeks I’ve really taken the time to accept myself, learn about myself and use that knowledge to blossom into the magnificent being that I am.  The first step for me was to really step back and take some time to be by myself.  At first, that meant watching copious amounts of The Vampire Diaries and browsing my newsfeed every 10 minutes.  Those activities pulled me further away from myself, strangely enough, and by strangely enough I mean I’m not surprised at all.

When I realized how drained I felt from being by myself in that unfulfilling way, I went back to wanting to hang out with people.  That didn’t feed me either as I found myself drowning in self-generated negative energy.  I finally saw that I wasn’t ready to be out in the world around everyone, especially those closest to me, if I couldn’t be a beacon of positivity.  So I decided to spend some time with myself and really, spend some time with me.  Not the computer, not the phone.

I started making to do lists with specific, small tasks that I was happy to do.  If I didn’t get something done, I didn’t beat myself up, I just used it as motivation to do better tomorrow.  I started writing out my life vision every morning and posting it on my wall as a reminder of why I’m doing what I’m doing.
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I started transforming my room into an inspiration haven by posting positive affirmations and images of people, places and things (it’s strange to just call them nouns right?) that I want in my life.  Hell, I’ve been imagining my dream house every morning, specifically the kitchen, living room and sun deck.  I found real estate listings with pictures eerily similar to my imagined home.  So those are going up on the wall, no doubt.

My affirmations:
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I wrote myself a nice big check for 100 Grand.  Just to get in the habit of the big paydays you know.Image 
I see this right when I wake up!  Monte Carlo and winning an Oscar.  How can I not be inspired for the rest of the day?Image

I have spent more time imagining the life I want than I ever have and I am so happy with myself.  Just me.  I feel that my happiness is not tied to anyone else and it’s because I’ve taken the time to be by myself and support myself and surround myself with inspiration and goodness.  I’ve been reading books like A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.  Unlike Facebook, these books feed my growth and it’s real easy to stay on track if your free time is spent watching or reading things that support you in your journey.  I watched The Secret on Netflix instead of an episode of Family Guy.  I learned about the Law of Attraction and boom!  There I was making my vision wall.  There I was watching First Position, a documentary about the largest youth ballet competition in the world, instead of browsing through another Buzzfeed list of 21 Gifs To Waste Your Life Away On.  I became so inspired I broke out my pointe shoes and started to choreograph.  *Word to the wise, a few years out of toe shoes will render your feet kind of useless.  This wasn’t my best idea.  My toes are still bruised.* Long story short, inspiration begets inspiration.

I visited places that I’d always wanted to go to like the Getty Center.  I conquered my fear of going to Millennium Dance Complex in North Hollywood (all the celebrities rehearse there, it’s no big deal) and realized that I was in much better dancing shape than I knew.  I auditioned for Disneyland Paris because, why not? I trusted that the choices I was making were the right ones and it outweighed any fear I had.  

I am so confident right now because I can see that I’m on the right path and it’s because I took the time to seek it and to allow it to happen.  I’m following my instincts.  I’m holding myself accountable.  I’m standing up for myself.  I’m following my inspiration.  I’m following my joy.  And it’s because I am finally, truly nurturing myself by taking in only the good.

I’ve found myself grinning wildly for no reason saying “today is amazing!  Thank you Universe!”  I’ve found myself looking in the mirror and saying “I love you!  You are beautiful!  You have so many opportunities and so much potential.  I love you!” And it’s real!  

So a bit of a long one today, but it’s been a long month with a lot of growth.  Thank you for spending a moment with me today.  Go off and find your inspiration!  Tell me about it!  I’m in a sharing mood.  

Until next time.  Love love love.

-Jadey Lady

 

Recently, I’ve asked the Universe for some guidance and help.  I just can’t seem to stay on track!  And what’s worse, I beat myself up whenever I make a mistake.  I’m stressed, worried and it’s taking a toll on me, physically and mentally.  Yesterday, before I went to bed, I surrendered. I said out loud, “I am ready to get out of the way.”

Boy howdy!  Did the Universe deliver!  I had the most restless, productive sleep I have ever had.  Truth be told, I hardly slept.  I tossed and turned all night long.  My shoulder was aching, my back was aching, my hips and legs were sore.  Everything was out of place.

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But I learned so much!  In my dreams, there were 3 or 4 versions of me and they all wanted different things.  One wanted to just relax, so she ignored the problem and went about her business, hoping it would go away.  Meanwhile, this other Jade wanted to stretch out and explore, while this other Jade was in complete agony and wanted to stay exactly where she was comfortable.  Then you’ve got the big mama Jade.  She was a fiery Latina and she was stubborn.  Don’t even know what she wanted, but she wanted it and she was not afraid to let you know.  That one dominated the conversation as I’m sure you picked up on.

Big Mama called a meeting.  She came right out and said that everybody needed to figure out what was going on and needed to work together because “dis es not working, okay?”  (Imagine, Sofia Vergara saying that.  It’ll make more sense).  At least her stubbornness was pointed in the right direction.  It was very United States of Tara. Great show!  It’s on Netflix.  Do yourself a favor and get addicted.  Basically, Tara, a woman with multiple personalities, calls a conference between her alter egos so they can all work together harmoniously.  

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But anyway, this is what my dream looked like.  The conference didn’t last too long and I continued dreaming as usual.  You know, family, friends, zombies.  But any time my body positioning started to hurt me, the voices in my head paused the dream to assess what was going on.  They woke me up!  And I couldn’t go back to sleep until I had properly attended to whatever was aching.  If I judged myself or got upset about it, they wouldn’t let me go back to sleep.  I had to be at peace with whatever mental crap and physical pain I had going on.  Now, luckily for me, the girls helped me out and explained why I was positioned how I was and why I was feeling what I was feeling. A strange concept I know, believe me.  When I got back to sleep, I slept so well that I feel alert and awake after basically 4 hours of completely restless sleep.

Lady Lesson #26: Find Harmony Within Yourself!

Yeah, it’s Long Intro Monday.  I’m not upset about it. 

What I learned from the girls in my dream is that I really do have conflicting needs and desires.  There’s always a part of me that disagrees with what another part of me wants or does.  This push and pull only allows for constant disappointment with myself or stagnation, which eventually leads to disappointment with myself.  I don’t make a lot of strides forward because 4 different sides of me are running in opposite directions.

There will be no peace, no growth for me until I can reach a level of understanding between all my wants and needs.  There are a lot and a lot of them directly go against each other.  I just haven’t taken time to look at them and apparently the Universe had to spell it out for me.  I mean, if that isn’t the most obvious way of telling me what’s up, am I right?

So figure out what I want from life.  Figure out what I need.  Let those core desires and needs live so deeply within me that there is never a question of “what do I do?”  Well, I do whatever falls in line with my core values.  But more importantly than that, I get to support myself along the way.  The conflicts will not be solved if there is no give and take or if there’s constant judgment.  Now’s the time to treat myself with more love and respect than any other human being in the world.  That’s where the growth will come from.  Not stubbornness.  Not attachment to these different identities with opposite values.

Support.  Love.  Compromise.  Sacrifice. Willingness to shed ineffective habits and beliefs.  Desire to live in harmony no matter the cost.  That’s where growth comes from.

So here’s to the Universe!  Thank you for your help.  Here’s to my conflicted subconscious and wildly vivid imagination working with each other and not against each other!  Huzzah!

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-Jadey Lady

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The end.

Just kidding.  But seriously folks, this is one of the simplest life concepts to grasp.  Loving yourself is the first, if not the most important step towards happiness.  It is also the biggest hurdle to overcome.  Just ask me!  

Lady Lesson #25: Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It

I am so, freaking mean to myself.  We all know how easily I beat myself up.  I am quick to judge, especially when I’ve made a mistake or failed.  I am very quick to chastise myself and make sure I’m good and punished, yet it’s like choking on nails to tell myself I’m beautiful, or smart.  

Somewhere along the way, I allowed my inner light to dim.  I thought humility was polite and courteous.  “Thank you for the compliment, but you’re mistaken.  Here’s this other problem I’ve invented to prove it to you.”  I got in the habit of putting myself down because I didn’t want to come off as cocky, or arrogant.  I wanted people to like me, so that of course meant staying as far away from arrogance as possible.  Over the years, I’ve grown quiet and diminutive.  I’ve started believing all of the bad things I say about myself.  And now, I hold myself back from many of my hopes and dreams because my confidence is buried beneath the years of “humility.”

In the last year especially, I’ve learned that that sh*t’s gotta stop.  Yesterday.  I live in Los Angeles.  I’m competing with everyone and I’m not even my biggest fan.  What kind of position does that put me in?  Last place from the get-go.  The odds are definitely not in my favor.

My friend had a birthday party and there was this guy who was just dancing his badonk off.  He was absolutely intoxicating to watch.  I tried to figure out what was so special about him and it was definitely his confidence, but equally important was the love he had for himself.  He got a kick out of watching himself in the mirror, he almost had a flirtatious quality, like “yeah, I see you.”  To himself! It was amazing.  Later, when I talked to him he said that he had spent hours in front of the mirror, working on dance moves and praising the things he liked.  He loved his hips and his stomach, so he would practice hip isolations, simply because he liked watching himself.  

I was always the girl in ballet class who avoided the mirror because I hated the way I looked.  I missed out on so many learning opportunities because I was unkind to myself.  I’ve started doing flamenco dancing for a show I’m in and I’ve approached it in a completely open and loving way.  After meeting the dancer, I realized that the only way the technique would look good on me was if I focused on what I loved about myself doing it.  It made a world of difference!  I wish I could convey the powerful feeling I got from just loving what I was doing.  It’s indescribable.

Confidence and self-appreciation is key.  How do you expect to reach any goals if you don’t believe you can do it?  And I mean, truly believe.  Truly, deeply, feel it in your bones, not-even-a-bad-morning-could-shake-you belief.  That’s the type of love that is most important in your life.  The love you have for you.

I woke up this morning and was prepared to  berate myself for all of the things I haven’t accomplished.  For the first time, I stopped myself.  I said “you are not getting out of this bed until you say something nice!”  So I did that.  I complimented myself.  I gave myself a hug.  I looked at uplifting quotes and images.  I even felt compelled to share with a friend.  I feel so much better than I have in recent months and it’s because I made it a priority to start the day off from a place of love and care.  I’ve only been awake for 90 minutes, but I already feel great.  I looked in the mirror and said “you’re beautiful” instead of picking apart my face or judging my body.  I am seeing the positives.  It’s a freaking miracle and I love it.

It’s not easy.  At least it isn’t for me.  I’ve gotten along for so long putting myself down that it feels like a complete lie when I say “I love myself.”  “I appreciate myself.”  “I am a worthwhile human being.”  The hardest part about loving myself is that nothing is getting in my way other than me and my mind.  It’s such a simple command, believe in yourself, but have you ever tried to change your way of thinking?  It’s tough.

But it’s necessary.  

When you stop beating yourself up, you stand a chance at becoming your best self and that is a person everyone can love.

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-Jadey Lady

I’m sitting in the waiting room waiting for my friend to come out of surgery. See, he was in a motorcycle accident last week and his wrist shattered into 5 pieces as he rolled across several highway lanes. His knees and left hand also got pretty banged up. 
The reason? He was changing lanes and the car  he ended up behind didn’t like that. So she slammed on her brakes. To teach him a lesson. 

Luckily he’s okay. Thank God, those are the only injuries he suffered. Cuz you know, he might have, I dunno, died? Or something? 

People forget that every other person they encounter is still a living, breathing human being. As in human being, just like them. 

Lady Lesson #24: Think Before You Rage

The woman who brake checked my friend out of anger or revenge, continued to drive after the bike went down. Apparently she stopped at the next exit, but she called in to the cops because she was afraid someone had gotten her license plate and could identify her. All signs point to a horrible human being. I just had to say it. If I had her name, I’d shout it from the rooftops so she gets the judgment she deserves. 

Starting over. The woman decided to let her negative opinion of motorcyclists overpower her humanity. There was nothing in front of her.  There was no reason to slam the brakes other than to say “I’ll teach you to pull in close behind me.” Had she let go of whatever judgment she had, had she let go of her road rage long enough to realize that someone’s life was in her hands, none of this would have happened. No lost days waiting at the hospital.  No lost wages from the 3 months of recovery where he can’t go to work. No inexplicably high medical bills that really can’t be paid right now, especially without generating income. No heartbreakingly sad pitbull who can’t properly wrestle with his daddy, lest he cause more injury.  

This lesson is universal because all of our actions have consequences, but it applies on the road.  Road rage is  a real thing and as long as you keep it to shouting obscenities and grunting with your windows up, it’s fine. But don’t ever retaliate. Don’t slam on your brakes to stop someone who is following too closely for your enjoyment. Don’t make a point to show that car that cut in front of you two miles back how angry you are with them by returning the favor. Don’t touch your horn unless you need it! Sitting on your horn only makes you look like the asshole. 

There are plenty of aggressive, stupid drivers on the road. They’ll piss you off. But every other vehicle (and I mean vehicle, that includes motorcycles) on the road is operated by a human being. a human being with family and friends and people whose lives are directly tied to the well being of the driver you feel the need to teach a lesson. 

Be the bigger person. 

Ryan was lucky. Incredibly lucky.  Some people are not.  Be nice to motorcyclists. They aren’t the problem. You are.  Image

-Jadey Lady