Archives for posts with tag: stress

Finally!  A lesson I’ve learned that’s universal enough to post!

I’ve been away for a while but that’s not to say I haven’t been learning.  I’ve just been learning a lot about myself and let me tell ya, those discoveries aren’t the easiest to convey to people who don’t live inside my brain.  All you need to know is I’m happy, I’m growing and evolving and life is wonderful.  And yes, more consistent posts are on their way for those of you that missed me.

So you’ve all been there, your head so full of things that need to be done that you can’t concentrate on any one thing.  I’ve found a solution that works for me and hopefully will work for you!

Lady Lesson #32: Drain your Brain.

I got the idea from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way.  In this book, she has the reader write daily Morning Pages.  The reader has to write every morning for 3 pages, whatever comes to mind.  It’s a brain dump.  The idea is that your creativity can’t flow if it is blocked behind all of the worries and stresses in your head.  Now I’ve tried it and I just can’t commit to three pages everyday.  It makes me angry, but I can commit to this simplified version of the same concept (not knocking the book at all, it’s a wonderful tool if you can stick with it.)  

When I wake up, I need a good hour or so to get in the zone.  I like to grab some tea if I have it, light some candles and incense, put on some mellow Pandora, and center myself.  I’ll stretch, meditate, maybe read or journal.  It’s quite lovely.  But some days or weeks or months are harder than others and my zen place is out of reach.  Where there should be quiet and appreciation, there’s a little voice saying “tell your roommate to clean the kitchen” or “cancel the massage membership you foolishly signed up for”, or “find a hotel for mom when she visits”, or “exercise”,  or “eat something”, or “clear your mind”.

All that noise makes inner quiet near impossible to attain.  It also keeps chattering in the background until I deal with it.  So I’ve learned to deal with it early before I drive myself crazy.  I meditate or relax for as long as I can and when the noise starts, I make a Stress Card.

A Stress Card is just an index card or the paper of your choice that I spit out all of my worries, fears and to do tasks.  I give it a silly title like “Tuesday Tankers” or “Wednesday Worries” or “Thursday Threateners” and I write everything down.  I give myself 5 minutes or one song to drain my brain of every thought that could distract me or stress me out.  Simple, one or two words, just so I know what I’m referring to.  Then I turn it over and forget about it.

On the back, I write a positive affirmation.  My favorite is “I take control of my stress”. And then I leave it alone.  I leave the card sitting on my desk, affirmation side up so I only see the calm and not the chaos of the other side.  When I’m ready to tackle a few of those stressors, I turn it over and address them one by one.  And I only do a few at a time throughout the day.  In doing so, I’ve learned that a lot of theses stressors are very manageable and can be resolved in less than 10 minutes.

By the end of the day, most are crossed off and wouldn’t you know it, I feel great! I rip up the card, letting go of the day’s stress, celebrating the things I accomplished and forgiving myself for the things I didn’t.  I go to sleep with a light heart and a quiet mind.  Perfection.

In the words of Frank Underwood, “Welcome Back”.

-Jadey Lady

First of all, if you truly want to get in the spirit of this post, let this play in the background.

Lady Lesson #8:  Be Prepared!

“Well..duh!”  I can smell your thoughts before you think them.  I know this seems like a pretty obvious lesson.  We’ve been told to be prepared all of our lives, but how many of us actually take that to heart?  I really didn’t until now.  I mean, I always carried extra pens at school, but that’s mostly because I was a pen hoarder.  But here I am, 24, fully realizing the benefits of being prepared.

On a smaller, more practical scale, it’s just less stressful to be prepared.  Live in a city like Los Angeles or New York for a while and you’ll learn this.  Sometimes you don’t have time to go home between appointments.  Sometimes you stay over at a friend’s house after a party night.  Sometimes you run into Leonardo DiCaprio and both of you have forgotten your phones.  What’s a lady to do?

Look at your day.  What do you have to do?  What do you need? How can you make everything go as smoothly as possible?  Have you figured out what to do?  Okay, then do it.  In the long run, you’ll be thankful that you keep army pants and flip flops in your car.  You know, for those mornings you don’t want to grab your Starbucks in knock off knock off Louboutins and a sequined dress.  

ImageJust FYI-wearing this before 5PM automatically brands you “Walk of Shame.”  Ladies never walk in shame.

Wanna be prepared?  Here’s how!

Keep resumes and business cards in your car or backpack so you can whip em out whenever opportunity knocks!

ImageKeep your gym bag stocked and in your car!*

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Make a “Get Yo Sh*t Togetha Kit” and keep it in your car!*

ImageBuy lots of toilet paper and keep it in your car!  (Just kidding-but seriously, always have a spare roll)

ImageLook, there are a million ways to be prepared, these are just some of my silly favorites.  The main point I’m getting at is this. Being as prepared as possible just makes life easier, on a superficial level (much like the majority of this post) but also on a higher level.  When it comes to your goals in life, be prepared.  Do your homework.  You never know when you’re going to get the opportunity that’ll change everything for you.  Wouldn’t it be a shame if that opportunity knocked and you couldn’t answer the door because you were too busy trying to get ready?  Be prepared.  If you’re not, someone else will be.  

Someone said it best (the internet has conflicting opinions on who.  Typical.)  “Success is where preparation meets opportunity.”  That success could be as small as being able to touch up your eyeliner after an unexpected rainstorm or punch in the face.  Or, it could be being the only girl at Leo’s party who opted to bring a business card.  You decide.

-Jadey Lady

 

 

 

I had a lapse yesterday.  I was having a hamster wheel conversation.  You know, the kind where you talk in circles for 2 hours and never get anywhere.  It gets frustrating, feeling like you’re not being heard or that your feelings are invalid.  You want to be understood, you want validation.  Sometimes you just don’t get it.  Sometimes, you are completely misread and sometimes you are so determined to be heard that you’re closed off to the possibility that the issue lies in you.

Now, I’ve been having a really good week.  I’ve had some breakthroughs, I’ve reached new levels of acceptance, I’ve raised my level of awareness.  I’ve been happy and feeling like I’m on the right track.  I’ve been feeling really strong.  So how is it, that I found myself stressed to the point of tears as a result of a conversation with one of my favorite people in the universe?

Lady Lesson #7: Sometimes you take a few steps back

I think this is one of the most important lessons I’m learning.  Changing habits that have gotten you through 24 years of life is not an easy fix.  You may make the choice to change, but those old habits can kick in and next thing you know, you’re topping off your kiddie pool with tears.  It happens.  It’s not the end of the world!

I tend to think it is.  It’s so easy for me to fall behind and then judge myself.  Harshly.  “I should be better”, “I should know this by now”, “I’ve already learned the lesson, how could I be so stupid to get back to this place?” “I’m never going to change”.  Remember that vicious cycle I talked about?  This is it.

Image*from Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now

The key is stopping those thoughts before they start.  “But they just come!” I know they do!  It’s just cruel.  But if you can sear your brain with the belief that sometimes, you take a step backwards and that’s okay, you’ll be able to climb out of that hole easier.  Yesterday, I cried.  When I got off the phone at the end of my conversation, I took a second to breathe it out.  I allowed myself to be upset.  For the first time, I opted out of getting angry with myself for crying.  I then looked at the situation.  I looked at what was said and I asked what could I learn from this, but I did not once judge my reaction.  It was okay, I was okay and I can still move forward with a clearer head.

Taking a step back while you’re learning and changing your habits is going to happen every once in a while.  The only way it’ll hurt you is if you sit there and judge yourself.  Don’t fill your head with reasons why you suck!  You’re awesome.  Forgive yourself.  Eventually, whatever habit you’re changing will become second nature and falling behind won’t even be a blip on your radar.

Like I said, this lesson is so important for me.  I’ve got such a distaste for failure I’ll beat myself up for days if I detect it within myself.  I really need to remind myself that sometimes you fall behind, and it really is okay, just so long as you use it to propel you forward.  Just keep swimming folks!

-Jadey Lady